Only closest friends and partners become privy to the painful internal struggle that gets triggered with every glance in the mirror. What happens is that once in a while, \u201cI\u2019m too fat FM\u201d gets interrupted by spontaneous broadcasts of messages from \u201cMaybe I\u2019m ok FM\u201d.<\/p>\n In these moments, the woman usually turns to her spouse or friend asking for reassurance. What follows is a dialogue which, repeated often enough, Can you relate to this scenario?<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cHoney, do you think I look ok in this dress?\u201d You have a choice regarding the thoughts you think. Perhaps you feel \u00a0that changing these thoughts is difficult if not impossible.<\/p>\n If you can\u2019t seem to break the habit of negative self-talk, ask yourself these questions:<\/strong><\/p>\n What is the benefit of negative self-talk or keeping yourself small?<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n Here are some answers I have heard while counselling women for anxiety and depression: It makes me work harder and always strive to be better, it allows me to see nice things in other people, it makes me a good friend,<\/em><\/p>\n What is the cost of negative self-talk?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n Answers women have shared: Depression, anxiety, I don\u2019t go out and do things I want, I hide my body, I\u2019m inhibited in bed, I become obsessed about being perfect in other areas, I obsess about my body and weight loss, I\u2019m unhappy<\/em><\/p>\n What would be the benefits of listening to \u201cI\u2019m perfect just the way I am FM\u201d?<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n Answers women have shared: I would have more freedom, I would have more energy, I would feel great about myself, I would do more things, I would have more fun, I would dress differently and wear what I want, I would initiate sex and feel less inhibited<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0What would be the (imagined) costs of stopping negative self-talk?<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n Answers women have shared: Having to step out of my comfort zone, people thinking I\u2019m conceited or arrogant, losing friends, conflict with partner or family, realizing that I want to live my life differently,<\/em><\/p>\n Here are 4 tips to help you stop negative self-talk and shift low self-esteem \/ poor body image:<\/strong><\/p>\n 1) Do mirror work:<\/strong> Many of my clients resist this exercise, but mirror work is very powerful. To avoid getting distracted by your body, start with a hand mirror and look into your eyes when you say the following:<\/p>\n I love you. It\u2019s not what you do but who you are that I love. You are perfect just the way you are. You are special to me. I have confidence in you.<\/p>\n Start with one of these messages. Take a couple of minutes in the morning after you wake up and in the evening before going to sleep to connect with yourself. Breathe into these messages. Notice any voices in your head that disagree and just let them go. You may choose to journal about what the voices in your head are saying.<\/p>\n 2) Practice gratitude:<\/strong> Thanks to your amazing body, you get to experience life. You get to enjoy the beauty of nature, taste good food, touch the people you love, hear beautiful sounds, do the work you do. You might think you\u2019re thighs are too fat\u2026 but imagine missing a leg. You might worry about your breasts being too small but imagine losing them to illness.<\/p>\n 3) Start a daily practice of<\/strong> writing and saying positive affirmations<\/strong> to yourself. There are lots of great books that you can use to inspire you.<\/p>\n 4) Start doing some of the things you now don\u2019t allow yourself to do<\/strong> because you imagine everybody is looking at you and thinking horrible thoughts. Learn anxiety management techniques such as EFT and thought stopping to help you cope.<\/p>\n You don\u2019t have to be a hostage of your inner critic and \u201cI\u2019m too fat FM.\u201d You can and you deserve Do you have questions or comments? I\u2019d love to hear from you.<\/p>\n Ina Stockhausen is a psychotherapist in Burnaby and North Vancouver, specializing in counselling women for anxiety, depression and stress management. She offers solution focused counselling and helps women navigate life transitions.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Do you listen to \u201cI\u2019m too fat FM\u201d? Over the years of counselling women I have …<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"http:\/\/goddessrevealed.ca\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/06\/not-good-enough2.jpg\" "\\"Counselling")
<\/a>Many women pretend that they don\u2019t listen to this station by putting on an air of self-confidence when they go out into the world.<\/p>\n
\nleaves both parties frustrated and \/ or annoyed.<\/p>\n
\n\u201cYou look great babe! How many times have I told you that I think you\u2019re sexy and I love your body?\u201d
\n\u201cOh, you just say that because you love me. I guess I wouldn\u2019t look too bad, if only I didn\u2019t have ____________ (choose from these options \u2013 this big belly, such bad skin, fat thighs, bigger breasts ecc).\u201d
\n\u201cThat\u2019s nonsense! I\u2019m telling you, you look great!\u201d
\n\u201cYou don\u2019t really understand. Like I said, you love me so of course you think I\u2019m ok.\u201d
\n\u201cIf you don\u2019t believe me, why do you even ask?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/a>\u00a0While listening to \u201cI\u2019m too fat FM\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m not good enough FM\u201d maybe a habit you\u2019ve picked up during childhood, today, as an adult, you have a choice to choose a different radio station.<\/p>\n<\/a> to own your greatness.<\/p>\n