Returning to wholeness

Women Returning to Wholeness

mid-life crisis

When you stand in front of the closet and feel like you’ve got nothing to wear, it can trigger negative self-talk and feelings of frustration or resignation.

Often how we choose to present ourselves in the world changes over time. Clothes offer us the wonderful option of experimenting with new styles, looks and why not, a different personality. If the “failures” of such experiments have remained a part of your wardrobe, read on about how you can use closet challenge no 3 as a transformational tool of personal growth.

#3 You’ve got nothing to wear because your closet is
filled with “mistakes”

Do you own things that still have the price tag attached or you’ve worn once but never again because they were “mistakes”? Are there clothes you bought based on your mood of that day when you indulged in a little retail therapy or when a sale convinced you that the lime green skirt would be a good buy?

Or perhaps you own a collection of impulse buys that you never really intended to wear. Those outrageous golden sandals that kill your feet within 5 minutes, the sequined bolero or the ultra-funky jacket and skirt ensemble…all items that evoke a certain image or feeling or speak to a certain longing.

The cool thing about clothes is that you can change your appearance at will. You can create a look and invent a personality to go with it. Let’s face it, most of us, at some point or other have wished we were different. It’s like having naturally curly hair and envying naturally straight hair and vice versa. The thought of feeling less shy or being seen as more assertive or sexier has made us reach for garments we usually wouldn’t buy or wear.

I know I have often wanted to look less “classic casual” and more funky, which I equate with fun and lightheartedness. So I’ve gone out and come home with some country style blouse or funky skirt. Did I wear them? Yes, maybe once or twice. Did I feel comfortable in my skin? Not really. Have I donated those items? With reluctance… after all, I spend good money on them.

Learning to love yourself, just the way you are sounds simple. But if you combine  media messages, the desire to fit in or stand out, peer pressure and internalized negative self-talk from when you were growing up, it makes sense that it’s only too easy to end up with items in your closet that represent the longing to be different.

So take a good look and be ruthless. Is it really worth keeping that mini skirt which was supposed to make you feel sexy but leaves you feeling uncomfortable and fidgety when you’re out?

Try on every impulse buy and identify – why are you not wearing it? Why did you buy it in the first place? What would be the middle ground?

How can you love and accept yourself just the way you are and allow room for playfulness and fun while remaining authentic?

It’s ok to experiment and “make mistakes.” However an important second step is to “forgive” yourself and let it go…even if you did spend good money.

Finally there’s the case of those impulse buys actually representing an aspect of your personality that’s been trying to “come out of the closet.”

Remember, what other people think about you, is none of your business.

You have no way of controlling what is going on in someone else’s head, even if you like to think you do. So you might as well go for it. Be who you are and want to be. Show up in the world from a place of authenticity and feeling good about all parts of you…. because you’re beautiful and already good enough.

I hope that you’re feeling inspired to love your closet. It can be the springboard towards loving your life and a transformational process, celebrating who you are and supporting you in showing up in the world feeling fabulous.



How do you feel about ageing? If you are reading this and you haven’t hit your 40s yet, you might not spend any time thinking about ageing at this point in your life.

But if you have passed the 40 or 50 mark then you might have spent some time reviewing your life:

  • Where has it led you so far?
  • Are you being the woman or man you want to be?
  • Are you living the life you have always wanted to live?

For many of us, change or transition is part of the “mid-life” period. Children grow up and leave the nest, parents age and caregiving roles become reversed, marriages fall apart due to “mid-life crisis.

It is natural to re-evaluate goals, dreams and challenges when you are faced with transitions in your life. Life-transition counselling can help you navigate this exciting period which is often overshadowed with “heavier” feelings such as loss or grief.

We live in an era that cultivates and approaches life with a very different mindset compared to the beliefs our grandparents grew up with. Many of us, particularly if we have the privilege of living in a civilized, peaceful and affluent part of the globe have started to embrace the notion that we create our own reality.

In our consumer and industry driven part of the world, what that reality looks like is heavily influenced by the media and ultimately by politics.

Ageing or better said “preserving youthfulness” is a multi-billion industry that encompasses everything from cosmetics to supplements. While different messages about the benefits or drawbacks of ageing compete for our attention, our cultural heritage and family values continue to have a large impact on our attitudes and beliefs.

Hence, your mindset and your internalized beliefs will influence the ease with which you might navigate life transition periods or why you might seek life transition counselling.

This is good news! Why? Because you can choose the thoughts you think.

Fascinating studies from people like Ellen Langer at Harvard, show that the belief system someone has by the age of nine determines what they believe about aging. Those who believe that as you age you become wise and that there are positive things associated with aging, add seven years to their life.

If you didn’t grow up with a positive belief system about aging, it’s not too late to shift your way of  thinking. Dr. Christian Northrup’s response to the question of how women can overcome guilt and other self-perpetuating abuse, is to switch focus.

Switch your focus from everything that can go wrong to everything that can go right.

Therefore, when you are navigating a transition period in your life connected to mid-life change and the prospects of aging, think positive thoughts, think about the things you love and focus on living the life of your dreams… it might just extend your life span and will certainly help you make positive life changes.